i made a thing
you is kind
you is smart
you is an official Barbie baby-sitter
knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit
wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad
That was deep
philosophy is wondering if that means ketchup is a smoothie
That was deeper.
common sense is knowing that ketchup isn’t a damn smoothie you nasty
I just realized how fucking disgusting it is that it’s considered healthy and normal for teenage boys to eat everything ever yet teenage girls are obviously also growing but are fucking dieting all the time and shamed for eating while they’re growingShit
This just in: he’s figured out where the laser comes from.
gf: babe come over
me (a lawnmower) : no i cant im cutting the grass and you live in the sky
gf: my parents are out
at what point does a joke die because i think we’ve beaten this horse into the ground with an aluminum bat
I Brought You My Bullets, You Brought Me Your Love.